Is there anyone who is 100% happy with their natural body?
Me thinks not. The rising numbers of people having cosmetic surgery says it all. We all wish for something, to be a little taller, shorter, slimmer, bigger, straighter, curvier, smaller calves, bigger calves, bigger wrists and ankles, smaller wrists and ankles, bigger breasts, smaller breasts etc the list is endless.
I’ve always had issues with my shape.
Being a twin, I guess I was born slightly smaller than normal.
I didn’t realise I was small until I was in my pre-teen years, when a a childhood acquaintance started teasing me about my size. Though we were the same age, she was bigger and more mature looking and would make references to my size when we talked about boys, telling me boys would not notice me because I looked small and young. I always had a great comeback and would reply along the lines of, “let’s have this discussion again when we’re 50 and I look 40”. Hahahaha…
I remained small and thin for many years and I began to believe that I could never put on weight. My husband I often talk about the first time we met, he says he vaguely remembers these tiny little girls who came to talk to him when he accompanied an aunt who stopped by at our house in Lagos on the way back from visiting his younger brothers at boarding school.
Hmmmm….”these tiny little girls”.
We met again on two other occasions. The second he didn’t remember and the 3rd he did. I often joke and tell him he started fancying me the 3rd time we met and he always replies with something along the lines of, “Nope. I’d never seen anyone so thin, you looked like you were in need of a good meal”.
Hmmmmm…..”so thin, in need of a good meal”.
I found out in my early 20’s that the reason I was so thin was simply because I didn’t eat a lot of food. By food I mean food and junk food. That revelation came at the end of one unusually hot summer. Everyday on the platform at the station, on my way back from work, I’d grab a magnum. By the end of the summer, I wondered why my clothes had gotten a bit tight. I made the connection and the relief that washed over me was something.
Yippee!!!!!!!! I could gain weight!!!!! I wasn’t sentenced to a life of looking like a broomstick.
Thinking about it now, back then, even though I couldn’t really afford to spend a lot of money on food, I wonder if I would have increased my consumption if I could have been able to afford it. My parents were never big eaters so I didn’t grow up eating big. I would most probably have spend the extra cash on clothes.
I got married to the guy who said I looked like a war zone victim and he showed me how to eat. The word “thin” with regards to how I look is now history – something to tell my grandchildren some day.
My shape then was athletic, straight up down, no curves. I longed for “hips”. That was the one thing I felt I really needed, everything else that wasn’t perfect could be managed.
I had my first child and overnight I saw what I thought were hips. I was overjoyed. Yes! Finally some hips!! That joy was short lived because in a bid to get back into my old clothes, (simply because I could not afford to buy new ones), I took a good look in the mirror one day and realised that what I thought were hips was actually fat.
Putting on weight brought about is own challenges. Buying skirts and trousers off the rack became difficult, either the trousers gaped at the back or I couldn’t pull them over my butt and the shirts were riding up at the back making it look uneven from the side view.
I hated my bottom in the low rise jeans era. Back then, buying jeans was a nightmare. I suddenly could not find a reasonably priced pair of jeans that would go over my butt. So I moved into premium denim and discovered my favourite premium brands – J Brand, Notify, James Jeans and Citizens Of Humanity. My quest to get the jeans to go over my butt led me to discover soft, better cut premium denim. I haven’t looked back.
So, getting married and having a baby helped me realise that I didn’t fall into the generic freak 10% of the world’s population that don’t put on weight no matter what they eat. To maintain a size that is aesthetically pleasing to ME and doesn’t put pressure on my small bones and joints, I have had to learn to balance my energy requirements.
Maturity keeps me at peace with my shape. Maturity and reality helped me get past my once upon a time figure 8 longing. Blood makes me freak out, I could only ever get a figure 8 if I remove some ribs. That is never going to happen. What’s to be gained from wanting what I can’t change? Instead, I focus on the things that I have control over like my weight and muscle tone.
My shape today is still athletic, straight up down, small chest, but with a butt that sticks out. The bubble butt explosion in the fitness industry is amusing. I even had someone walk up to me in the gym one day and ask me what I did in the gym to get my butt to look the way it does.
K🧡
2 Comments.
Good write up CK
I remember when I was younger my dads friends used to ask if he did not feed me !
Now I wish I was in that freekish 10 % !
Another nice write up.
I grew up being known as skinny I. I drank complan and ate baby food for years in adulthood trying to add some weight. Now I would do anything to be skinny I again.